Category: Happy You

Starting Over

Starting Over Is Scary

You really only ever need to start over when something else has ended. Endings can be unpleasant. Painful even. Often an ending feels like a failure. New beginnings can be unsettling and really scary.

A relationship, a friendship, a job or a business; these can all be devastating when you lose them. A bereavement. It goes without saying that losing somebody close shakes your world to its core. Then there are those goals that you were hoping to achieve, but somehow didn’t make it. Weight loss maybe, or quitting smoking. These are all situations where you have a choice, and sometimes a need, to start again. To move on. Experiences that are traumatic. They take a whole load of moving on from!

Often you get stuck and feel unable or unwilling to move on. You may find yourself clinging to what’s gone, sometimes without realising it. You can spend huge chunks of time reliving past experiences, and analysing them in minute detail. Emotional attachments become unshakeable and you can’t seem to free yourself.

Starting over doesn’t necessarily mean reinventing yourself. Sometimes it just means having a little faith and taking a few steps outside your comfort zone. It can boost your confidence and empower you. You’ll conquer fear more easily, and be open to opportunities and possibilities. That’s an exciting journey.

If this is you, and you think you’re ready to start over, try this: –

  1. Learn any lessons, in a healthy and balanced way. What did this person or situation teach you? You cannot compare the lessons you learn from experiencing something yourself, to those you learn from a book or a seminar!
  2. Ground yourself. Realign yourself with your values. What is important to you now, at this stage in your life?
  3. Where do you want to be, ultimately? Create a vision, with as much detail as you can manage.
  4. Make a plan. A realistic one.
  5. Take action. Baby steps just outside your comfort zone are fine to start with. Trust that it will be OK.
  6. Keep taking action, until you get there. Check in with your vision. It will motivate and inspire you to keep going.
  7. Finally, look back at your journey. See how you got yourself unstuck, and realise that starting over isn’t actually that scary or daunting, when you have the nerve to do it.

 

I wish you good luck, and success!

As always, if you need some support, ask for it.

 

By Judith Flowerday

 

 

Stop Complaining

5 Benefits of Bitching and Complaining

Are you a complainer? Do you whinge about how crap your life/job/partner/boss/family is, to anybody who will listen? I’m talking about the chronic complainer who never takes action to change or improve anything, but just bitches about it. Is that you? How’s that working for you?

This is different to the sharing of woes we do with our partner or our friends. That’s a two-way thing. A mutually supportive kind of unspoken arrangement.

There are benefits that you may not have considered to your constant moaning.

  1. You’ll feel better. For about 5 minutes. That outpouring of whine is massively satisfying. Unfortunately, it all builds up again fairly quickly and you’ll feel just as pissed off as you did before.
  2. You’ll get attention. Attention is always nice, isn’t it? Initially people around you will consider thoughtfully what you say. They’ll probably offer solutions, which you’ll ignore. Then, by the 25th time you’ve whined about the same boring thing (or everything!), you may not even be aware of raised eyebrows, rolling eyes and pretend yawns. Right before they bitch to each other about what a bitch you’ve become.
  3. You may get sympathy, for a while. That must make you feel better? Eventually of course, the people whose ears you’ve been whining into will want to strangle you. That’s if they hang around long enough to get to strangling point.
  4. Quite possibly, nothing will change. If you don’t like change, this is perfect for you! If you complain about your meal in a restaurant, you could get a replacement, an apology and maybe even a discount off your bill. Pretty much anything else won’t change just because you’ve bitched about it. Wow. Who knew?
  5. You could end up looking for a new job, or a new friend, or a new partner! That’s if you get ‘sacked’ for complaining about your current ones. Want to really ramp up the chances of this happening? Do it consistently. Do it often. Do it loudly. Do it on social media. Result!

If you don’t like the sound of these benefits, how about working out what’s going on with you? What’s behind your complaints? A general dissatisfaction with life? Turned into a stuck record about something that somebody once did to you and you can’t let it go? Can’t get anybody to listen to you any other way? Or is it that you feel really fed up with the way your life is or the people around you are, but it never occurred to you to do anything to improve things? Or maybe you’re scared of being assertive or making changes? “Would you like some cheese with that whine” or would you like to stop doing it? Your choice.

If you want to stop being a whiner, and you can’t make the change yourself, get some help.

 

By Judith Flowerday.

Learn to say no

Would You Be Less Stressed If You Learned To Say “No” Occasionally?

How many times do you regret agreeing to something you never wanted to do in the first place?

Do you find yourself being the first to arrive and the last to leave, but you only have yourself to blame? Doesn’t stop you feeling angry though, does it?

Exactly how much stress do you let into your life by saying “Yes” when maybe you could have said “No”? Do you even know why you do it?!

You could be saying “Yes” if: –

  • You’re worried that people won’t like you
  • You think you’ll get that promotion, or you’ll be too valuable to make redundant
  • You think you should be able to cope
  • You think you’re the only one who can do it
  • You don’t trust anybody else to do it
  • You feel you have to ‘earn’ the right to say “No”
  • You’ve got low self-esteem
  • You can’t ask for help
  • You feel guilty if you refuse

Whatever your reason for saying “Yes”, I’d like you to check in with yourself from now on and work out why, each time. If you’re agreeing to something because you want to do it, fine. But if it’s for any other reason, would you like to make a change? What would be the benefits to you of being a little more thoughtful and selective?

If you’re ready to make that change, try one/some of these: –

  • Make a list of the things that you could stop doing, if you removed the emotional attachment to them.
  • Make a list of the areas of your life/work where saying “No” would be really beneficial to you.
  • Identify the areas of your life/work that would be improved, if only you were able to say “No”.
  • Stop saying “Yes” unless you actually want to agree to something. Take a rain check. Say something like, “I’ll get back to you on that”. Consciously decide what you want to do and then give your answer.
  • Learn to be assertive; to say “No” without feeling dreadful about it. You will get through the initial angst of assertively saying, “I’m afraid I can’t help you with that this time”. When you make assertiveness a new habit, people who used to take advantage of you will bump into those new boundaries of yours. You will feel empowered. I promise you!

 

If you have difficulty even beginning to be assertive, or simply to identify where your boundaries are at, get yourself some support or guidance.

By: Judith Flowerday

Change is good

Change – 7 Reasons Why It’s Good

Last week we looked at the reasons why change can be scary.

I’m sure you would agree that fear and a feeling of vulnerability is often the initial reaction at the thought of change?

However, have you considered there are some pretty amazing and far-reaching benefits of change? What do you think?

Let’s take a look at the good stuff shall we?

 

    • Bad situations, bad people, bad experiences. They are all improved by change.
    • Change that you create yourself feels much better than change that is forced upon you. To create change can be empowering and incredibly rewarding.
    • Change often forces you outside your comfort zone. Outside of your comfort zone is the place where magic can happen.
    • Through change, you will find innumerable opportunities, possibilities and experiences, the like of which you can never begin to imagine unless you dip your toe in the water.
    • The effects of change can be powerful beyond measure. It can dramatically improve your life or your business. It can even improve the world that you live in.
    • You can grow through change. You can learn more about yourself. Grow to be the person you always hoped you would be; a better, stronger version of you. That’s exciting, right?!
    • If there was no change there would be no butterflies, only caterpillars. There would be no spring after the winter.

 

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – Apple Inc.

On whatever level you are facing change, you may find the 7 Wonders of Your World articles useful. You can download them here. They’re free! Don’t forget that if you think you may need some support while you get ready to make changes (or to cope with it better) you have access to a free initial consultation. Simply get in touch!

By: Judith Flowerday

Love being single

20 Ways To Love Being Single

It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re single.

You could be feeling particularly frustrated/sad/annoyed about that today.

On the other hand you may be in a relationship where you dream of being on your own!

Here’s a slightly tongue-in-cheek look at the joys of being single: –

  1. Don’t feel you have to shave your legs so frequently (ladies, mostly).
  2. Don’t feel you have to hide your chocolate.
  3. Love yourself.
  4. Put your pyjamas on at 3pm, or stay in them all day.
  5. Continue wearing your favourite sweater long after it started falling to bits.
  6. Wear those big old comfortable pants.
  7. Be selfish, do what you love in your own time on your own terms.
  8. Spend time with you. Just be.
  9. Cry at soppy films. Or even adverts.
  10. Spend time with friends without worrying about rushing home to cook dinner or clean up.
  11. Leave the housework a while longer.
  12. Enjoy hogging the remote control and shouting at the TV.
  13. Enjoy hogging the bed. Starfish anyone?
  14. Always leave the toilet seat down, or up. (Delete as appropriate)
  15. Sing into your hairbrush and dance in the lounge while watching Mamma Mia (ladies, mostly).
  16. Play air guitar and throw yourself around in a demented fashion, red-faced and childishly excited(men, mostly).
  17. Enjoy the freedom of letting nature take its course – no stomach cramp for hours.
  18. Treat yourself. Soak in the bath until your toes shrivel up, read a book in bed, eat toast in bed, light a fragranced candle just for you, get a massage. Do what feels good.
  19. Accept that some people will assume that you are desperate to be in a relationship and your life is somehow lacking in fulfilment.
  20. Flirt a little, if you want to, and simply enjoy it for its own sake.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. You may also like to read ‘The 7 Wonders of Your World and How to Enjoy Them’ downloads. You can get yours here.

Just say it

Just Say It!

Do you say what’s on your mind or bite your lip & let negative feelings like anger, frustration and hurt build up inside? Or even worse, do you vent your nastiness on social networking hoping that the person your anonymous message is aimed at will read it and get a wake up call? Doesn’t help does it?

Those feelings probably get stronger as you silently scream the words that you really want to say inside your head. Eventually the pressure can build up and those words can come tumbling out when it’s least helpful and when they’re fully charged with resentment and anger. How much damage can that do to your relationships?

Are you ready to try something different? Now here’s a challenge! Be honest but be assertive.

Be authentic

Who are you trying to be?

Are you celebrating your difference? If you are different to most of the people around you, you’ll know it. You’ll feel it.

If you are different (in a good and brave way!), do you work hard at trying to conform, to disappear faceless into the crowd? Do you invest time and energy in trying to become the person you think would be more acceptable to others? Why would you do that?!

You are unique, dare to be ‘you’. If it’s very scary just try it for today…then again tomorrow… Be authentic and be you :-)

Mental Health Awareness

Supporting Norwich MiND At The ‘Smile’ Charity Gala With Frank Bruno

It was a pleasure for me recently to be a sponsor of the ‘Smile’ Charity Gala, organised by Stacey Utting to raise funds
for the mental health charity Norwich MiND.

Giving a talk on my experiences of mental health (both in a personal and business context) was a huge challenge. Trying to find a balance between delivering dry facts and being too emotional was seriously tough! It was a steep learning curve for me in more ways than one, but still a night to be remembered.

Both Frank Bruno and Trisha Goddard shared their own personal journeys. They were moving and inspiring in equal measure.

I had the great pleasure of (briefly) meeting Frank Bruno and having a couple of photos taken with him. Frank made me giggle while the first photo was being taken so the photographer suggested taking a more composed one afterwards, once the giggles had subsided. Having seen both versions today I actually like them equally! Thought I’d share them both with you so you can decide if you prefer the professional smiley one or the mid-giggles one…

With 1 in 4 people in the UK being affected by mental health issues, you would think that this would be an area that is openly discussed and yet, often it’s not. In today’s demanding world so many of us think that suffering with a mental health challenge is almost a sign of weakness, sometimes even something to be ashamed of. How wrong could we be?! Life is tough and if we sometimes struggle it doesn’t mean we’re less of a person than those who seem to have a charmed life.

Whether it is you or somebody close to you who has an encounter with mental health issues, there is support out there so that you never feel as if you have to struggle alone. Organisations like MiND offer advice, information and support. Life coaching too, as well as other talking therapies, can be invaluable.

How to get personal space

Space – Do You Need It?

Do you think you need space? Not outer space, but the personal space that we all need in order to function effectively and feel happy.

Your home is where you are most likely to feel rested and secure. You need space here, in order to breathe and relax. If you are always stepping over or around piles of ‘stuff’ you may think you’re ignoring them but they’re still taking up space in your head. The same goes for the general clutter that you’ve accumulated over the years and for those jobs that you’ve been avoiding. To reclaim your space, consciously choose to tackle the stuff that’s cluttering it up or alternatively, choose to do it later (but make it happen!) When you make a choice your brain can file it away.

Your work environment is maybe somewhere that you think you don’t need space but you absolutely do! Do you have an inbox overflowing with emails, a desk full of projects and tasks to be tackled when you have time? A brain crammed full of things that you must remember to do? That’s normal and you can’t do anything about it, right? If you spend the day slogging away hoping that you will eventually get through it all but then discover you haven’t made much of a dent then it’s time to try something different. Take a step back and look at what needs doing. Put everything into real or virtual piles – ‘Urgent’, ‘Needs Doing, But Can Wait’ or ‘Bin’. Prioritise regularly and focus completely on the most important thing. Even though you may still have an enormous workload, subconsciously you have cleared yourself some space in which to work.

On a personal level space is crucial. You allow so many things to rent space in your head that at times it probably feels as if it will explode! Things that need doing, things you shouldn’t have said, things you should have said, things you had forgotten but pop up again randomly and, of course, over-analysing relationships at home or work that aren’t working out quite as you expected (thereby creating a version of events that may or may not be correct but will drive you crazy anyway). Do whatever feels right for you in order to get some space. It could be that writing down what is on your mind helps. Say what needs to be said. Check in with you and work out if what you think is important to you in life really is important. Take some time out to ‘just be’. Pray, give thanks, meditate. Try different approaches until you find the ones that work. Once you’ve reclaimed some space, protect it.

If you think this is selfish and self-indulgent remember that if you look after yourself you are in a much better position to be everything you need/want to be for everybody else.

By: Judith Flowerday

I hope that this blog has given you some food for thought, and you can now prioritise carving out a bit of space for yourself, before you go completely bonkers.  If your mind is constantly full of negative thoughts, you may find the Be Calm and Happy MP3 (or CD) useful for clearing that clutter. Quote WBC10 and you can grab yourself 10% off too. You can find out more here.

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